dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
