wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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