trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
