Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
