hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
