I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
