I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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