ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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