That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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