And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
