The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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