I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
