That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
