It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
