We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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