I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No more Irish car bombs ever.
bring money and cleavage
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
