3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
