If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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