I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
