he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
