We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
