did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
