I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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