Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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