I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
