Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
