Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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