Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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