I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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