someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
