i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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