I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
