we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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