I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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