I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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