Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
