I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
