Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
