I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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