their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That's intense
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
