it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
