If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
