I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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