You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
