It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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