It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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