So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
