i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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