Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
