Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
