One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Girls should come with a carfax report
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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