:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
