there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
