I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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